Critical Steps

"Foolproof" Coffee Making

Dateline - August 30, 2010
Bronx, New York

It is important to remember certain critical steps when making coffee, all of which were, incidentally, forgotten this morning by a slightly exhausted working mother as she attempted to get her day started. "It's hard sometimes to make coffee before you actually have coffee," said Virginia, after embarrassing herself on multiple occasions this morning while attempting to brew coffee. "I mean, how am I supposed to remember all of these things at once?"


Critical Step 1: Rinse out coffee filter holder after it has been sitting in the sink all night.
Reason: Chili and coffee are not a good combination.

Critical Step 2: Rinse all the soap off of the coffee filter holder after you wash it.
Reason: Soap and coffee are not a good combination.

Critical Step 3: Place filter in filter holder before adding coffee grounds and pouring water in.
Reason: Coffee should not be crunchy.

Critical Step 4: Do not pour milk into coffee filter holding the grounds.
Reason: Cold milk does not actually help brew coffee.

Critical Step 5: It helps to actually turn on the electric kettle and letting the water heat before pouring it through the grounds.
Reason: Cold water doesn't do much to brew coffee either.

It is in the interest of public service that we of Virginia is for Knitting offer these tips. Stop the coffee idiocy in its tracks. Knowledge is power. Knowing is half the battle.