Monday, August 30, 2010

Critical Steps

"Foolproof" Coffee Making

Dateline - August 30, 2010
Bronx, New York

It is important to remember certain critical steps when making coffee, all of which were, incidentally, forgotten this morning by a slightly exhausted working mother as she attempted to get her day started. "It's hard sometimes to make coffee before you actually have coffee," said Virginia, after embarrassing herself on multiple occasions this morning while attempting to brew coffee. "I mean, how am I supposed to remember all of these things at once?"

Critical Step 1:
Rinse out coffee filter holder after it has been sitting in the sink all night.
Reason: Chili and coffee are not a good combination.

Critical Step 2: Rinse all the soap off of the coffee filter holder after you wash it.
Reason: Soap and coffee are not a good combination.

Critical Step 3: Place filter in filter holder before adding coffee grounds and pouring water in.
Reason: Coffee should not be crunchy.

Critical Step 4: Do not pour milk into coffee filter holding the grounds.
Reason: Cold milk does not actually help brew coffee.

Critical Step 5: It helps to actually turn on the electric kettle and letting the water heat before pouring it through the grounds.
Reason: Cold water doesn't do much to brew coffee either.

It is in the interest of public service that we of Virginia is for Knitting offer these tips. Stop the coffee idiocy in its tracks. Knowledge is power. Knowing is half the battle.


  1. Lol, I don't drink coffee - lucky me :-)

  2. LOL, all these are very good points, especially step 2!

  3. Hehe - are you sure you really wanted to brew coffee?

  4. i drink ice coffee--so i am always brewing it at night--to cool in fridge overnight...

    but been there done that with putting coffee grinds into dripper with out the filter!

  5. funny. i had to get up much earlier than usual this morning and found myself making some critical errors while attempting to brew my own coffee :)

  6. Coffee needs its own Smokey Bear. I can see it now: ONLY YOU can prevent coffee abuse!

  7. Ummmm...have made every single one of these mistakes....and maybe a few more.